This wasn't what I was Meant to be Doing.

Not long after this I left school and started my adult working life as an apprentice hairdresser.

My desire to this time stand out (rather than shrink) fuelled my approach to learning this craft and be the best I could be. I bought my first business at 21 years old and also beat hundreds of applicants through vigorous trade tests to become a TAFE teacher. 

I loved my business, it was great, I was good at what I did, I employed fabulous staff, we had a ridiculously and sometimes inappropriately fun time but there was always this undercurrent of a feeling that was niggling at me like a pesky mosquito that said “THIS IS NOT WHAT I’M MEANT TO BE DOING’.

It would’ve been easier to want to change if I had a shitty job, hated what I was doing or the money was absolute crud but that wasn’t the case.

I didn’t even know where to start when it came to making change and figuring out what it was I was meant to be doing, plus this is all I’d ever done or thought about doing.

So I brushed the feeling back under the carpet of my awareness and just got on with things.

My Mum took me with her to a weekly meditation circle which was more like a spiritual circle with some meditation thrown in. I loved it because the discussions got me out of autopilot and really got me thinking about my life and myself (which is now a process I get to facilitate for others).

I also started reading self help books because although it looked like I was a success on the outside (young thriving business woman) I still had my fair share of issues going on inside. I was down on myself a lot (STILL), I felt like a bystander of my life swept up in all the social idealisms of how to be successful and what I should do with my life, plus my weekend partying and drinking used to get a little (lets face it a lot) out of control. 

So I got a Massive Wake Up Call.

Then when I was 24 I got a huge wake up call.

My vision went blurry a few times and my left eye felt like Kermit the frog (bug eye bulging). I FINALLY went back to the Drs. I’d been 6 months earlier and he sent me to a complete QUAK of a specialist. His diagnosis was nerve damage from having Bells Palsy years before. Um, no Deal Mate! Luckily I listened to my intuition (which I’d honed thanks to my meditation practice) and my B.S radar was going off. 

I went to a new specialist and within a day, he’d organised an MRI and served me up the results “Sorry love, you have a huge mass, growing in your head. It’s located behind your left eye, that’s why it’s popping out of your head. At this stage we have no idea if it’s cancer or not but either way is poses risk and needs to be removed”. 

What else do you when you have a morning like this, you go back to work and slap a smile with on your dial and work your butt off all afternoon. 

The Tumour Twins

The following week a client of mine, who I seen often ,because I also cut her 3 kids hair, told me she actually had to go in the same week I had my operation scheduled and also get a tumour removed. Tumour twins!!

I made a conscious choice to be optimistic on approach to my operation. Maybe it was cancer maybe it wasn’t. I’m not going to write myself off, before I know the facts, so I just took each day as it came. People thought I was in denial and not seeing the seriousness of my condition, so after I threw a farewell tumour party for Edna (my tumours name), I underwent an 8 hour operation to remove it. 

The Operation Removed all the F$%ks I’d Ever Given

This operation was like removing all the F%^ks I had ever given about what anyone ever thought of Me. It makes you really wake up! It was like Edna had given me permission to live life on my own terms, no shoulds, no external advice, no self doubt, just start living life how I want.

A week in hospital (and looking like a hit and run victim not knowing if I was ever going to look like myself again) gives you time to ponder the meaning of life. At this stage I  still had no idea if Edna was benign or malignant. The first thing I was going to do was do everything I could to support myself to heal. The second thing was go live my life to the fullest. 

You truly don’t appreciate things as much as when they’re taken away. My health, my life could’ve been taken away in a heart beat and I wasn’t going to shit all over the fact that it wasn’t. 

Starting to Heal my Mind and Body

A week later after vegetable juicing to my hearts content and taking natural remedies to support healing, I went back to my specialist. Edna was benign. Phew! A very rare type of tumour. He said they can grow back and if they do there’s a high probability that it will be Malignant next time. I looked this up last year as it crossed my mind and it was there in black and white in front of me. Statistically, if this type of tumour re-occurs 80% of the time they are cancerous. I wasn’t going to let that happen. I know that stress is a huge contributor to disease as it lowers your bodies natural defences. The inner stress created from not listening to your inner compass or guidance is aging, and causes cellar break down! I’M LISTENING!

My client that had the operation the same week as me came into the salon, and although cancer cells were detected within her tumour they were contained and removed. Phew! She’s also been given the all clear! We celebrated and chatted about how grateful we are.

That didn’t last long.

Devastating News

Months later she had cancer riddled through out her body. She was 34. At her Fundraiser I sat down next to her and told her “I wish it was me, she has 3 kids and besides my business I have nothing”. Thinking about this moment still chokes me up. She told me to “shut up, and never say anything like that again”.

This is my absolute fuel! I had been given the precious gift of life and I’ll be darned if I was going to waste it doing something that doesn’t feel quite right for me. Being in a situation, doing what doesn’t feel quite right feels like you’re walking around with a sharp jagged rock in your shoe! 

There’s always this uncomfortable feeling, niggling below! Its exhausting and stressful.

Larissa 2:0 was born….

You Only Need to Know the Next Step

I read in one of my books that when you are looking to change you don’t even have to know the bigger picture, just the next step. Like headlights on your car at night, they only shine a few metres up the road, but thats all you need to see.

After meditating and journalling, I knew what my next step was. I sold my business (against everyones wishes), my new car and a bulk of my belongings and travelled to Canada for a year long working holiday. 

This was HUGE for me. I come from a family who go on 1 holiday a year to the same place. No one had ever travelled and my mum and Sisters hate even going out of their suburb. What the heck was I doing!! This year was transforming. It was amazing, scary, exhilarating, lonely, full of friendships, I lost myself,  I found myself, and for the first time in my working life I was dead broke but so very very rich in so many other ways. 

Connecting to My Calling

At that moment I realised Success isn’t about how much money you earn (I used to think this), it’s about how aligned and fearless you become connecting to your true hearts calling. 

While I was away I had a dream one night. My client came to me and she come to say goodbye. I recall her smile. My Mum phoned me the next day. said to Mum “I already know, she died”.

I vowed to discover and learn how to get past all the B.S we tell ourselves, all the past limiting beliefs, all the thoughts that hold us back so I could stay connected to my inner truth, my inner calling and truly live an amazing life. A life that upon my death bed, whenever that may be (none of us are getting out alive), I could say to myself “I did everything I could, with everything I knew how, to  live my life to the absolute fullest. No if buts or why.” 

Your Health is Your Wealth

Your wealth is your health, your love for yourself and others, your ability to expand into your true potential, to feel free and unbounded by your mind.

Since then I’ve studied under many international teachers. First I learned some of Bob Proctors work, I experienced Tony Robbins courses and did crew work at is events and the most soul touching and transformational work I learned was Dr John Demartini’s work (he’s a human behaviourIal specialist). I became a facilitator of his work.

Do What you Love and Love What you Do

I went back to formal study and started working in the health and wellness industry. I was the general manager for 10 yeas in multi-million dollar  health and fitness facilities, I worked in injury rehab with allied health professionals,  all while I was studying to transition in to becoming a life coach and Kinesiologist. My love for human movement and the body also sent me along the path of studying yoga, which in it’s entirety is a system to understand your mind. 

I now get to help people every single day, connect to their confidence, heal old woulds, create an inspiring vision for themselves, balance their mind, overcome the blocks that are in the way to them experiencing their life to the fullest.

I don’t want anyone to waste their life away playing small, being riddled with self-doubt or should’s or just going with the flow because they are too scared to speak up or step up. I know how it feels to come face to face with your mortality. 

It Hasn’t Been Lolly Pops and Roses

 I’ve worked hard for everything I have become. I’ve spent thousands of dollars learning and I’m not stopping here. I spend my money on learning and experiences not things. 

The universe also likes to test me a lot and facilitate my own growth and healing. My current partner and I broke up twice before actually coming together long term. I have 2 beautiful children but been pregnant 7 times. My Mum experienced cancer just after I’d moved interstate, which totally sucked. 

So that Was My Story and Why I Love to Share and Help People Live the Life They Love

This is my story about what I do and why I do it. Thank you for reading xxx I read it often as it brings me back to my heart, back to what gives me meaning and back to my why.