When Change Feels Safe, it Sticks

At a recent family reunion, I was scanning the room, doing that familiar mental roll call of faces, aunties, uncles, cousins, when I spotted my cousin’s wife straight away.

But I couldn’t see my cousin anywhere.

I walked over and asked,

“Where’s Brett?”

She burst out laughing.

“Oh… you probably don’t recognise him.”

Now, Brett had dreadlocks for over forty years.

Not trendy, neat little ones — I’m talking commitment.

Long dreadlocks. Heavy dreadlocks. Some of them reached past his bottom and nearly to the backs of his knees.

He hadn’t had a haircut in four decades.

And recently… he decided to cut them off.

But here’s the part that made me pause.

He didn’t shave his head.

He didn’t have a dramatic “before and after” moment.

He didn’t sit in a chair and say, “Right, let’s just do it.”

Instead, every Monday, Brett took a pair of scissors and cut off one dreadlock.

Just one.

Then one Monday rolled around and it happened to be a public holiday — so he didn’t cut one that week.

He gave himself the day off.

I found that detail absolutely hilarious.

Even the dreadlock ritual honoured public holidays.

But the more I sat with the story, the more profound it felt.

Because by the time all the dreadlocks were gone, the change hadn’t felt shocking — not to him, and not to anyone else. His nervous system had time to adjust. His identity had time to evolve. The mirror never reflected a stranger overnight.

And this… is where most of us go wrong with change.

Why Big Change Often Backfires

When people decide they want to change say their diet, their lifestyle, their body, their health, they usually go for the whole head.

New food rules.

New routines.

New exercise plan.

New identity — starting Monday.

It sounds motivated.

But to the nervous system, it can feel like a threat.

Our nervous system’s primary job isn’t weight loss, productivity, or self-improvement.

Its job is survival.

And it survives by asking one simple question over and over:

“Am I safe?”

When we suddenly remove familiar foods, familiar rhythms, familiar coping strategies, even if those habits aren’t serving us, the nervous system doesn’t interpret that as “growth.”

It interprets it as loss of safety.

So what happens?

• Stress hormones rise
• Cravings intensify
• Motivation collapses
• Old habits suddenly feel magnetic

Not because you’re undisciplined.

Not because you “lack willpower.”

But because your system is trying to bring you back to what it knows.

Back to familiar ground.

The Nervous System Likes Gradual Change

From a biological perspective, sudden, drastic change activates the body’s stress response, the same system that would switch on if you were chased, threatened, or under pressure.

Your body doesn’t differentiate between:

• “I’ve cut out all carbs and started training six days a week”
  and
• “Something in my environment is unsafe.”

Both can register as overload.

When change is too much, too fast, the nervous system defaults to protection:

• conserving energy
• seeking comfort
• resisting unfamiliar demands

This is why people often feel “great” for a short burst, then crash, rebel, or quietly drift back to old patterns.

The system wasn’t brought along for the ride.

Sustainable Change Is Nervous-System Friendly

The brilliance of Brett’s dreadlocks wasn’t just patience — it was regulation.

One dreadlock a week meant:

• his body adjusted
• his self-image shifted gradually
• nothing felt shocking or destabilising

This is what sustainable change actually looks like.

Not:

• cutting everything at once
• forcing yourself through discomfort
• trying to become a new person overnight

But:

• one small shift
• repeated gently
• until it feels normal

When change feels safe, it sticks.

When it feels familiar, it lasts.

What This Means for Food & Lifestyle Change

If you’re working on your relationship with food, your body, or your health this year, here’s the reframe I want you to carry:

You don’t need to cut off the whole head.

You might just:

• add one nourishing habit
• change one meal
• soften one rule
• create one new rhythm

And let that become normal before you add anything else.

Your nervous system doesn’t need shock to change.

It needs consistency and safety.

One dreadlock at a time.

If you'd like to take one small step towards change grab our Free Get Back in Control Toolkit HERE

Much love and Bodily Wisdom

Larissa xx